Starting 2009

2nd January 2009

Hue, Vietnam.

Dream

I went to Japan and was surprised to fid that Junko was single. She wanted to say sigle and wait for someone else to turn up whom she could fall in love with and marry, but was prepared to live with me for a couple of weeks.

So I moved in with her and was really happy for a while, but a bit insecure/possessive, wanting to know her whereabouts when she was absent. Also, there was an underlying saddness that it couldn't be permanent but I knew that it was coming to an end.

Interpretation

Basically, the situation. It was the situation back then, she wanted someone else but was prepared to be with me for a while. How would it be any different now? I've never lived outside of a hotel and probably never will, she has her own life. It's madness to think anything else, and I don't want it either. If only these persistant... whatever they are would go away.

3rd January 2009

Coop Shopping Mart Food Hall,

Hue,

Vietnam 5.24pm

I feel trapped a little. My visa finishes on the twelth, my essay is due on the thirteenth. The books for the next course are available on the fifth. I'm not sure if I like the hotel where I am, but at least it's dry, if a little cold. I have the first draft of the essay... so I just don't know what to do. I asked at Sinh Cafe about an extenstion but they want thirty usd. Madness as it was twenty-five in Nha Trang at Sinh but I paid twenty at Kimuyen. I walk across the bridge every day to kfc, but they play music so loud it's not comfortable. Yet it's the only place that's remotely warm and dry with all the lights turned on.

The main thing to focus on is the essay; I have to put it in on time to keep the plan on course (what is the plan?). Then I have to try and hole up somewhere not too expensive for Chinese New Year. I was thinking over the border at Nanning? Yes, there's nothing there, but all the better to focus me so I can just settle and get some real work done.

The saving grace here is Houng Voung Inn, a place with great food, free wifi and electric, toilet and freindly. I don't know what I"d do without it.

I'd better get on and correct my essay.

Dream

Tuesday 6th January 2009

I was studying in a hotel. I came back to my room and someone had been put there on a sharing basis. I went down to reception to ask for a discount because I'd paid for a single, but they said that they were short of space because of a conference and refused.

I went out to get a soda in the large adjacent bar and walked around looking for somewhere to drink it. It occoured to me how much I miss my mother.

I was halfway up a high-rise building at night. Someone was on my level being shouted at on the ground for being a bully. Suddenly he ran up the stairs and hunted him out to attack him.

Date: 12th January 2009

Hanoi Airport, Vietnam. About 1.30pm.

I love airports; they make me feel at home. Perhaps it's because my life has been ever-moving transience. Airports are big, clean impersonal places full of transient people not living any particular place at that time. I sit under the cleanly-designed neon and am just the same as everyone around me, they don't know who I am or what I've done. I'm just a transient on the way somewhere, just like them.

Anyway, I was back in Hue. New Year was a simple ritual in the little windowless room; isn't that the same as I do every year? I was focusing on the essay and decided that extending my visa would give me some breathing space. I asked Sinh, who said 30, so I asked the hotel. The guy said he'd look into it. When I asked him again he said he had asked the tourist board and they hadn't got back to him, and that made me feel strange as there's no tourist board. Eventually he said it would be fifteen, same day. I paid and concentrated on the essay. For the next two nights, it was always coming, next day or first thing tomorrow. I was suspicious as it was too cheap and too soon, generally it has to go via Saigon. I asked on the message boards and people said it was too cheap. At night he said he would get it in the morning. In the morning, he gave me back my ten year, eighty five pound sterling biometric passport dripping wet (I'd given it to him in immaculate condition), and said it couldn't be done as it was a second extension, and it was better I go to Laos City [SIC and tired].

At that point I still thought that there was no problem as Sinh had said 30usd, so I went over there to order it, and the woman looked at it, and said 30usd is first extension, second not possible, better go to another country and come back. I pressed her for more options. She admitted it could be done in Saigon, but it would be two days sleeping bus to go back, or she would send it for 45usd, but it would take ten days and she seemed really reluctant, saying, 'Passport very important document, maybe driver lose?'.

I went to Houng Voung Inn and thought about it, then went back and bought the sleeping bus to Hanoi.

Next morning I had a go at the boy for getting my passport so wet, and checked out. I sat in Houng Voung Inn and went for the sleeping bus.

I was in seat 19, at the rear, lower,left. As it was the very back of the bus it was actually one kind of platform made into four seperate beds (though before us there were only three abreast). I was by one window and there was an English couple by the other window. I lay down and for some reason, just my berth was trunciated. When I put my feet against the board and straightened out, the whole of my shoulders and head were off the top of the bed. Also, the tier above us formed a ceiling, meaning it was impossible to sit up; it was like being in some kind of a tomb. The couple noticed me and tried to cheer me up, saying perhaps I could swap as the berth next to me backed out into the aisle and was the only seat on the bus really made for a tall person.

The people who got on with us were a Vietnamese couple, so no point expecting charity from them. It was a short woman next to me. We lay there all night. I put my bag behind me and with the thin blanket over that it was at least bearable as at least my shoulders had some support.

I got one 45 minute break when we got off, but then I just lay there; 14 hour journey. Of course I didn't sleep.

We arrived at the Sinh office. I had been told I could leave a bag there, and I could but it was out of town. The plan had been to apply for a Chinese visa the same day. I'd looked into it. I could pay for the express service to have the visa the same day, I had even purchased a glue pen especially so I could glue the photo. I'd booked a hotel. I could be in Nanning in China the day my visa expired and had done all the research I could.

I hailed taxis but none would use the meter. Sinh called one for me and I went straight to the hotel and then onto the embassy. The reported opening time was 8.00 but it turned out to be 8.30. I stood there for half an hour. There were all these motorbike touts telling me I needed photocopies of my Vietnamese visa, but I'd done so much research I didn't believe them, so I just went in anyway.

It turns out I did need them. The touts wanted 10,000 to take me on a bike to the Xerox but I can't get on a bike. In the end, they made me pay 10,000 just for directions. I got there and noticed that the back of my passport is starting to come apart because of the wet. I got back to the office. No bags, I had to leave the computer outside. Got in and a visa would be four days. I asked for the express service, and she said I can only avail it if I already have a ticket to China... which I can't get without a Chinese visa. I explained this and she said to get a Vietnamese extension and I said I couldn't in Hanoi... witout a ticket, which I can't get without a visa. And so that was it.

Oh the Irony. Last year I tried to do Hong Kong to Bangkok and got as far as Pnhom Penn as I couldn't get a Thai visa and thought that risking a visa on entry was too risky, and so flew the last leg. I later found out I could have risked it, it probably would have worked, and if not I could have just got another Cambodian visa.

So this year I was going back the other way... and didn't even get half way there!

I went back to the hotel and had to wait to check in. When they showed me the room it was noisy and behind reception, and these rooms are always the worst. So I stored my bag there and had to go looking. I ended up at another recommended place. The room was 'fifteen US', but at the rate of 17.5, so basically it was more like twenty. I went to Sinh to ask about the visa and decided on Laos, but wanted to check that I could get visa on arrival.

Next day I came down to ask about a cheaper room but they were full, so again my bags went in storage. I went looking and ended up in the fifth floor at Central Stars. I paid one night and said I was staying two, then went to Sinh. They reserved me a ticket and I said I would go to the office, the airline office, to check about the visa. So they called me a taxi and sent me off to the other side of the lake. It was the wrong number, so I walked about half a kilometer and found that the office had closed, i.e. moved. I tried for about half an hour to get a taxi. They all wanted ten US for a one and a half dollar fair. One of them started following me in the car and I had to run around him when I saw a reputable company car going past, and jumped in.

I got back to Sinh and he again phoned Laos Aviation customer service and he didn't know the address, he only repeated the previous address. So the Sinh boy phoned the number I had written from the board outside the closed office informing people it had closed. I spoke to them and they said I wouldn't need a visa. So, I paid for the ticket and went to Highlands to finally work on the essay. It's a high up place and they had all the windows open, so I sat there with the cold and traffic noise trying to make sense of the essay and get some headway.

I went home and there was no one to give me a key, just some unattended three year old playing with the visa machine who refused to get her parents. I ended up having to pull the receptionist away from computer games to get the key, then went to the room. It was also wet and freezing there, but I tried again to work on the essay and managed to get some of the references done.

So next day, the plan was get the ticket, go and see about the airport bus, go straight to Highlands and work all day on the essay. I came down and handed the key in and the owner told me I hadn't told her I was staying two days so she'd sold the room, please leave, now. So I went back up five floors and got my bags. I ended up in a seventeen dollar place, but it had a table and wifi and I thought I could do the essay. I went and picket up the ticket, then down to buy the airport bus ticket. I indeed went to Highlands and worked for about three hours. Then I went home to work.

I got in the room and actually realised it had huge windows that looked down onto the open-plan reception and travel agent and the front door was wide-open, so it was noisy and cold, plus the curtains were thin and the neon just outside. So I just sat there working and did the best I could. I slept as my custom in cold rooms, boxer-shorts tied round my head, Chealsea football socks, jeans and all my teeshirts. I lost my earplugs, so bunged my ears up with wet tissue.

Next day, one day before deadline, the essay was at least pasasble, so I submitted it. The time would be 2am gmt, but it's better than late. I went down and asked for a Mah Linh taxi, and she got a different one but said it would be OK, but they refused to use the meter and so she called Mah Linh and he got me there OK. I got on the bus, then sat there paranoid for an hour that they hadn't loaded my bags on, but they were there went I got off. I rested, ate biscuits and used tweezers to try and get the tissue out of my left ear, but it's deep, deep, and so that's something I'll have to deal with later. I've sent three emails over three days to Mali Namphu hotel to reserve it, but there's no answer.

The last evening I was in the city an older bus tried to snatch my camera as he went past on a motorbike, but only suceeded in scratching my leg. I was ripped off buying stale bread, charged double for everything I wanted to buy. I sit here typng this in the airport, with a guy next to me playing Asian Kareoke on his mobile and think... at least Vientaine is somewhere quiet. I can sort the cd's out I couldn't here. It should be a bit warmer down there, there are more travellers about, and it's only a few weeks until I'm allowed back in Thailand. Plus, I can perhaps fly to Hong Kong. I have to go to get some university books which I can only et there.

I'm not absolutely certain of the plan. My visa expires today, so the main thing is to get out, arrive and settle somewhere with a longer visa period and think everything through. Oh, and the new course started but I can't work out how to get the work books online. So various things going on right now.

OK, dear diary, thanks for listening, as always. I eagerly await out next entry.

Date: 17th January 2009

RD Guest House, Vientiane, Laos.

I can't find the diary I typed at the airport, but perhaps I saved it online, if so it will appear above. If not, I'll have to summerise. Worrying as it was two hours of typing.

Since the airport...

We landed and I went through immigration OK, thirty days for thirty-five USD. I had emailed Mali Namphu four times to four addresses over three days, but when I got there they didn't know who I was and I had no room. I walked on to Duang Dong, or whatever it's called, and they only had a double, that was twenty pounds Sterling. I thought it might be a come on, but after I checked in they put a FULL sign up.

Next day I went looking. I went to Saysouly, which is often described as 'tired', and it was a dive. I tried to check in but he wanted an amount different to the posted price, so I ended up back at Duang Dong (or whatever it's called) in a single for about twelve pounds and it was booked for the next day.

Next day I came here to RD. It's a bit noisy, but OK. Actually it's 'the Japanese place'. All major travelers centres have an Israili place and a Japanese place. The Israili is usally dirty, noisy and cheap. The Japanese place is usually clean, expensive and quiet. So, this is where I am.

I'm really feeling how the exchange rates have gone down; this place comes across as really expensive. At the moment, I'm in a ten pound room, and it's clean but basic. Tomorrow it's booked, so it's obviously a sellers market here.

Online I found out that the embassy is giving out double-entry tourist visas now, this is the Thai embassy I'm talking about. So I went down there. I was really organised, with a printed out map and all the things I needed. I thought, double-entry as if I don't want to stay as long as that it will still save money because I won't have to do a visa run.

Oh, and another reason, the visa exempt stamp, i.e. stamp you get arriving without a visa, has gone down from thirty days to fifteen. So a double-entry tourist visa is good for six months, i.e. two sixty day stays and two one month extenstions. I can't do three runs to border for three months now. They scrapped the rule that you can only stay 90 days in any 180, so I could live here running every fifteen days, but (and this is must be what they thought when they came up with it), my passport will run out quickly. To enter Laos takes one visa page plus in/out stamps. To enter Burma is half a page.

But I'm OK until July if needs be. Today I looked into booking the trip to Hong Kong as the airline sale ends today, but I've had second thoughts. I checked accomodation prices. With inflation and the pound going from around two dollars to a pound to one and a half i.e. losing 25% of it's value, it's expensive. Dragon hostel was ten pounds, now it's seventeen. Osaka places for a tenner are the same. Flowers in Yangshou is seven, from about four. If I don't want to backtrack it would be a hundred from Guilin to KL, then I have to come up. So I left it.

But it's also that I wouldn't know what I'm doing. I haven't planned the routue. I have the copied guide books so I can go through those now.

There were two reasons, well, three. I wanted to see the pink spring blossoms in Japan. I need to get my two study books for the next course, and it can only be in Hong Kong for sure. And I wanted to be in Osaka for my birthday.

And I just thought differently, though I'm still in two minds. Take my birthday, they're always a bit depressing and always wholly alone. I have this idea to put myself in a situation where I'm almost certain to be stood up by a person I've become obsessed about. Every dream and OBE I have about her tells me she's in Europe anyway. And I realised that I might be able to get the books sent to me anyway. Return flights for my exam would be 300 Sterling, so even that's up in the air (pardon the ... oh, never mind).

Well, now it's Saturday night. Tomorrow I'll put the guidebooks on the usb stick so I can have a look at them, at least if I knew the general route. Monday I pick up the visa and I can get out the same or the next day.

The plan might still be on, just not for May. I mean, the way I was sidetracked, perhaps it's all just fate. But I really did want to go and get this obsession out of my mind and I thought facing up to it, going there and realising that there are no paradises on earth (only in our minds), it would be better.

But look at the way it worked out, as I say.

Ah Thailand though. There are advantages to being back, and it's good to be south in winter.

I'm going to see if I can sleep. I, just remembered, the M150 course started. There are no downloadable books... perhaps they come later, as it doesn't start until next month, though it's a bit worrying. I must start work on the rest of the sociology, as I have to post mine early.

Like I say, I'm going to see if I can sleep.

Date: ?20 January 2009

Joma Bakery Cafe, Vientiane, Laos.

About 12.10pm

I found the missing file and have integrated it, fantastic. Thank you.

I picked up my Thai visa yesterday and so have checked out and am on the way to Nong Khai in Thailand. The bus doesn't go for a couple of hours and so I'm just resting a while and saying hello.

I never stop thinking of Junko. I know you know that, but she's always there. I mean, it would be more than hourly. I just don't say because it would make for boring reading. Even walking into this bakery, the first thought is a place that had a same smell we went to in Perth. I try and think negatively, about bad times, like the time she was mad I woke her up, the times she kept talking about this other guy to punish me for things I hadn't done. And I try and reason it, she could have chose me and didn't. It kind of makes it more bareable, but really, it's a part of who I am... NO, of course it isn't. It's just, I don't know. I don't get on with anyone. That is the core of my being. I'm grateful for all that blesses me. But, this is it, and days can be long. You know. But grateful. Ugh. Stop thinking.

My Olympus camera broke. Not sure why, just stopped working. I went back to the Nikon, but the screen is broken and I'm not sure if it's working at all. I really must get a new one. That was going to be in Hong Kong, but with the exchange rate, it might be just as well to buy one here.

I sent a letter to A with a cheque for Carly.

Still no pdf's for the other course. I asked on the OU forum and someone said it was there, but I can't work out how to navigate back to it. So that's still on hold.

I want to start writing two pieces of work, i.e. Strawberries, the story of my romantic obsession, and The Magic Buddha, non-fiction about my spiritual practice. I've wanted to do them for ages, and I guess I was waiting for a settled period where I'm in one place, but I think perhaps better to accept that it's never coming; I'm always moving and I've always got things on my plate. All I have to do are cull the notes for a start from each, and just keep doing that until each one is written.

I copied guide books for Japan and Korea before I left the UK and I took the images from the cds and put them on my memory stick, so I shall go through them so I have a better idea of how things will work should I end up going. I balked the other day because of the exchange rate but also not knowing exactly how things will work. Also, if I could get my study books delivered here then I wouldn't need to go to Hong Kong, I could fly up to the most northern point and come down to get another Thai visa. I could get tickets in and out in advance. I have given up the idea of the land trip. I've tried it twice, and still managed Hong Kong to Pnhom Pehn, so at least can be happy with that. As far as I can work out, getting the English book sent to Thailand from Amazon in the US is no problem. But the psychology book is only on Amazon in the UK, and I don't think they ship abroad, so I'll have to look into that. I think... if I start as soon as I settle somewhere in Thailand.

Also, I got a letter from the insurers, my policy expires. I seem to remember buying nine months in August... but they said it expires the end of this month, so maybe I paid for only six? I must remember to look into that.

Oh, I have the Writers Directory also, i.e. the addresses of places to submit the writing too, on usb from a cd I made in Northampton Library, so I can type that up and then I'll have places to submit the writing to when it's done.

So, it's all kind of on course, and I feel kind of good today. It's sort of on track and I'm getting somewhere. I'm just sitting here with my soda, on a sunny day, trying not to constantly compare each passing moment with comparable times in Perth, thinking happy thoughts.

Not sure where I'm going to stay. I loved the hotel last time, 400 bath. But now Pounds are down 30%, inflation's put it up to 500 and I must really look for somewhere simpler. I was in my double at RD but it was booked and I moved to a twin, which was basically bunk beds in a bare room, and bar the hardness of the bed, I was happy enough listening to podcasts at night.

I think also, about being back in Thailand (later) there are other benefits apart from costs and the weather. I can carry on finishing the archiving, I can get rid of my last cd's and sort out the various things stored in various places online, always heading towards my unified master file of my website. If I can get all the writing done all linked to a central website, all about my past and all my pictures, web sites, writing and stories then this is who I am, propoerly archived for all and absolutely noting I am carrying.

Oooohhhhh, I LOVE this computer. I thought it last night, listening to a podcast through its speakers. I love it as much as the day I bought it, more in fact because now I know it's reliable. Everything still works, all the buttons, software, lid, screen. I love the way it looks and it's smell. I love the way it powers up. I love its size. It's easily the best thing I've ever owned. Like last night (and the night before), no TV was no problem It' educates me, entertains me. It saves me print out money, cybercafe money, no Tv in cheap room money, guide book money, printing money. Oh, the productivity. Waiting for an hour for my visa or a bus, just whip it out and do my work. It's the best thing in the whole wide world.

Yipee! Thank you for this! Yipee! Yipee!