Catch Up

Still in Siam Reap, Cambodia, and still trying to catch up. I've had a good look through the USB and also google and mail accounts. I'm finding bits. I'm going to sit here and work it all out... then post things as I find them, then never let it slip again.

I miss my diary really. Anyway, I have brief notes of things I want to type up. Basically, for the first time since I was about fifteen, I stopped writing proper entries, basically since I left China.

So the first catch-up entry is this, which I wrote on my birthday, May 6th 2007 in Riverside Restaurant, Yangshou, China and typed up in Love cybercafe.

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Today's the last day of Golden Week, and also my birthday. Golden week is on the same date every year, and also, I just now learned, is a Japanese holiday. So perhaps I was celebrating in a realm somewhere and came back to the earth when I'd finished?

It was quite a nice day actually. I woke up, had fried aubergine and rice, went and sat by the Li River for a while, when to the Riverside Restaurant and actually got served, and I wrote something I've been thinking about friendship, which I'll type in a minute.

I'm still in Minority. There's a little kitten called Nini there, and last night I went in the room and she was shut in there, probably from when they cleaned. So she played with my lanline while I saw in the birthday.

Yesterday, the waitress sat with me and we practiced English, she gave me a rice cake and we talked about the orange juice. Today, I got an automated email from Prince Charles Cinema wishing me happy birthday. From all the time's I've had to give out my date of birth in forms, you'd think someone would have set up a happy birthday.

There's no heavy news. A phoned. The buyers pulled out temporarily (for the house) beause part of their chain collapsed. Yasmine went mad about the money being split. There's a cheque on the way for the cash in hand for 27,000.00. The 500 I put in European stock finally made back all it's losses and is twelve pounds in black. There was this impossibly tall person called Walter in Minority who got in the habit of saying hello to me. My Religious Studies goes OK and is becoming a good looking website, but I can't get past the Chinese firewall to upload it.

So, to every thing I wrote today.

Changed my Mind 6 May 2007 Yangshou China

New Policy on Friends, Friendship and Company

I've been writing a long, long piece of work about how nearly all speech that people take part in is pointless, but also harming as it involves self-building.

People take consciousness and associate ity with the body it's currently operating within, then discriminate the human species into all the groups possible: nationality, race, gender, political persuasion etc. and then argue about which group is best -- or to be more specifric, state and/or imply that all the groups they belong to are best -- all on the assumption that there's something to be gained in the world other than the moment.

People who refuse to take part are assigned to groups anyway, and mutely playing stand-in parts, their silence is assumed to be the acceptence of a group's dereat.

And the whole mess is just a sprawling net of self-building. The self, contrary to most western thinking, is acrually the cause of all suffering.

Therefore, I give up.

I don't belong to any group, place or person. I'm just a lost consciousness using senses here in a moment, seeking Nirvanah.

Societies generally an illusion, there's nothing to be gained. My answer to almost every question is, 'I don't know' because ... I don't know. It's nice, because although I don't know many things; I know it's nice not knowing.

When I speak, I'll try and follow the Buddha's criteria of right speect. I shall endeavor that everything I say is:

• True
• Useful/beneficial
• Kind/non-harming

Summery

There is no self.

All groups are pointless mental constructs.

All I say tries to be true, beneficial and kind.

If you meet me and are not the same -- please don't even bother, as my silence might be mistaken s your victory -- and your growing self causes your increasing suffering and overflowing selfingwords. I (really) don't like seeing your suffering.