Dharma Willing Journey: June 2007

Tuesday 26th June 2007

Nha Trang, Vietnam

At last. Blogger, as well as all my web sites have been inaccessible since I left Hong Kong, and there, I only got a free ten minutes on the computer.

And now all this time later, I'm finally here, able to get into blogger, but not to view my page... so I have to just post the html and hope it looks OK if anyone can see it. I'm trying to update as far as my birthday. Sorry if this isn't perfect, but I'm stringing it together from various mail accounts where I saved the typing as I went, and I can't see the results. Let's try anyway. Here goes...

Date: ?Around 28th March 2007, it's a Thursday anyhow

Blenz Coffee, Shaiman Island, Guangzhou, China -- about two in the afternoon.

Well, I'm here.

It's very complicated and I'm not sure how to relate it all. Overall, all said and done, I LOVE IT.

Currently I'm in this Canadian coffee chain, on the Island. It's in an old wooden teak kind of building, quite nice, and I'm

kind of trapped, with nothing else to do, but to say hello to dear, dear diary. How I came to be here, is... as I said,

complicated. When did I last write, what was I doing. I think perhaps I had time in the Covent Garden cybercafe. I'll pick up

from there to explain to how I came to be sitting here with not much else to do.

It was nice being back in Palmers. I was in the new 17 bed dorm, but it's actually really tasteful. John Freeman the manager

was there. I tried to buy washing powder but he wouldn't take any money, plus I'm on first name basis with all the staff. I

started getting worried in case I ended up missing all that.

Tuesday was the last day. I went and signed off unemployment, which was just a matter of signing my UB40. Then I went on to

Kennsington Gardens.

It was cold and windy, but I went and sat on the bench nearest the flowerbed by the children's playground. I was there to

scatter Mother's ashes of course. I had a quiet reflection, and then walked around so there would be a view of both the

palace and the round pond.

It was nighttime by the time I ... got to Covent Garden, and so probably wrote about this already.

Anyway, onto leaving. I woke pretty early and put my bags in a locker downstairs, then went and actually ate the breakfast

I'd looked at so often in Whetherspoon, and it was quite as good as I imagined. Arriving in London, when I took my library

books back to Victoria, they'd told me that there was one missing, and I realised that I'd taken it back to Northampton

library by mistake. I tried to phone them but couldn't get through.

I phoned the bus company to make my ticket later, but the woman thought I should check in an hour early just in case. I was

irritated at the time, but as it turned out, that was really good advice. By the time I went back to get my bag I was

harried. I ran to the underground and got to Victoria and was basically straight onto the coach.

We got to Gatwick an hour and a half later. I got through to the library. There's a woman who works there who wears hearing

aids and has a very distinctive voice. I spoke to her. I'd seen her in Yates once also. Anyway, she said that she'd go and

look for it.

When I got off the coach, I sat and had a drink, then realised that I was at the exact place where I'd come for the interview

when I was trying to get on the travel course.

I went in, an hour early, and they were already checking people in, so I had to kneel down by a bin and repack all my stuff,

then checked in. The woman asked if I was a Hong Kong resident and I showed my onward ticket, but I got the feeling that she

would have let me on anyway, and so I was all done. I bought a sandwich and sat outside, then went in to look for a coffee.

And then...

Can you believe it, I GOT STOPPED BY THE POLICE, third time. Is there no end to this? He looked at the ID, did a radio check.

I tried to keep it friendly as there was no way I was going to miss this flight. This guy had a machine gun hanging off his

clothes. At least I can damn well get out now.

I went upstairs and had a chocolate egg and a coffee, yep, enjoying food already. Then I went down to check in. The queue

went right round the airport but the adrenalin kept me going. It was about forty five minutes until we got to the screening

machines.

There was a heated atmosphere inside. One guy asked a member of staff if it was a staffing problem that was causing this. But

the guy he asked was just itching for a fight and started shouting at him.

I had to put my shoes through, braces, everything, but then we were done. I realised how late it was and started chasing

after a Cantonese family and phoned A. I was still speaking to her as I was checking in. The library had found the book and

will send it onto Victoria.

On the plane, some guy was in my seat. I moved him to the window. Then this black guy turned up and he had the window seat,

so he had to move again. A Dutch woman joined us. She was a student of economics, and he was a doctor. They really got on and

had a good talk about London.

The Asian boy behind me was autistic and had occasional tantrums when he kicked the seat and screamed all night.

The flight was fine. I watched Monsters Inc. I took no valium at all. I slept for about ten minutes. Overall, I actually

enjoyed it!

We touched down and I was impressed with the whole experience.

Apart from the queues, immigration was easy and I got a six month visa. I walked through, changed just five pounds for the

bus, and went outside and had a sit down, in Hong Kong!

It was strange, and I was sentimental about being there so long ago. I got the bus and got off at Mong Kok and was lost. I

had a photocopied map but eventually found the street, but couldn't find the hostel. I was hot and tired and ended up phoning

them. I actually got in about six pm. The guy was a bit short with me, and had a beckoning cat on his TV. He took me up the

the thirteenth floor and checked me in there in a different guest house.

I went out and walked down to the ferry pier. I had rice in the same place from the same man as all that time ago. It was

opposite the pub Ned Kellys last stand, the name sake of which I saw with G. in Australia. I also noticed that it's directly

opposite a place called Osaka restaurant. Of course, during that stupid trip with G. I could have been with her, but when in

Hong Kong originally that had no significance for me, as I hadn't met her yet.

I sat by the kcr clock, and remembered celebrating the start of 1994 there, that auspicious year (if you choose to look at it

that way), then went to bed at 'home'.

Next day, the owner came and seemed really suspicious of me. I went out and ended up with bread and cheese in Kowloon park.

It was overcast and depressing and I felt really alone and went on a downer. It lasted for a couple of days. I basically

wandered about feeling bad, but by the third day I started LOVING it. It was a great routine of eating by kcr, sleeping in

the afternoon as I've been so tired since I arrived, then going back to the kcr clock and looking at the Island by night.

I collected my ticket to China easy, and also got there. I got off at Guangzhou East and had a break. We were late and I sat

outside, then went down and worked out the metro. I got lost again once there and a hotel porter gave me directions, and I

ended up in a room with no window but a huge muriel of Guilin, my next destination. Great.

Next day I extended my stay, came to Shaiman Island. I've enjoyed it from the start, apart from a few hassles. Today, I'm

here, in this cafe, with free Internet but no connection, so I'm typing this to USB for later upload, if I can find a

computer that will take it.

There's more than this, of course, but this is a fair update for now. I'm happy and in one piece, and I can't ask for more

than that! If I think of anything I've missed, I'll add it next update.

Thursday 5th April 2007

Blenz Coffee House, Shaiman Island, Guangzhou, China. 6:17pm.

Wow, a week since I¡¡wrote, already.

I meant to have left by now... but I kind of settled into a routine. Every day I get up, go to the supermarket, walk on to

the very cool computer (but no printer). Work for three hours, typing up the sociology book, then onto Shaiman Island. I eat,

usually tea eggs, cheese sandwiches, crisps, and a tin of coffee. Then I come to Blenz to make Religious Studies mind maps.

Then I go home and make the same food but with noodles, and watch TV.

I managed to get a SIM. I went to China mobile, and they gave me one but the phone wouldn't take it. I ended up asking about

it on the message boards, and it turns out I'd got the wrong unlocking instructions from Virgin. I unlocked it yesterday,

then went and got the sim. About ten pounds... but I think two pounds of credit, and it's only to receive calls.

I got an IP card, which is to make foreign calls, but it's all in Chinese. I managed to work it out yesterday, and today

phoned Barclaycard to try and get myself reinsured. That's a real mess, their insurance, and their website at the minute.

I've had some really good times. There was a hot, sunny period and I used to sit outside on the verandah and got stuck into

the religious studies book. I got stuck into the study generally. Most of the Tv I get in the evening is from Hong Kong. They

have an open university and exams based on the British. I realised I might be able to do the exams there.

It's been cold and rainy over the past few days. It put me on a bit of a downer to be honest. I knew, and I think I

mentioned it, that there would be days like this. Well, periods like this. I started to really enjoy the study. It's just the

sameness perhaps, or the cold? I've had one conversation since I came. In the bank, an Aussie complained about all the

paperwork to change a little money, so I asked about his sim card. It only lasted a minute or so and wasn't really a

conversation. OK, so I never really had conversations before leaving, and I never did in life. It's just, alone isn't it? I

think that's the whole thing. We all go out in life hoping we'll be OK and make contact, and even if you do, the whole thing

is very tenuous.

I woke up the other day, and remember waking up with the memory 'IN ABOUT FIVE WEEKS'. I'd only been asleep a few hours and I

got paranoid, as usual, about what that could mean. I fell asleep a while later and, wonderfully, had a dream that let me

know that it's wasn't about my health and that I should be OK for a while. THANK YOU FOR THAT! I'll write it up later.

The simplicity is nice. I'm still sober. I leave the room each morning, immaculate, showered, everything in bags. I only have

the minimum of stuff that I need. I've been downloading podcasts for tonight, oh, but it's so slow.

There's a relief to admitting that there's something wrong with me, in a way. Perhaps I'm at that age? I think when you're

younger you hold on and hope you're going to become something more, but you get to the point that you say, just, this is me,

warts and all. I traipse about alone all day, and the funny thing is that I notice my daydreams are about telling imaginary

people that I don't want to talk to them or know anyone, and it's also true. When I finally find company, I usually don't

want to continue being with a person... except that once, Oh God, no, not today.

I have a rough idea to go on Sunday. I think this will be nice. It will mean I was here exactly one week. Mission

accomplished definitely. I settled in here definitely. Last time I was here, thirteen years ago, it was awful. The whole

place was a massive rubbish dump. I couldn't get a hotel and ended up sleeping out on the floor. Someone robbed me while I

was there.

This time it was much better. The metro is open so I can get about now. A journey is about 20p, and it's so clean. The

streets everywhere are clean also. All the overcharging that went on a decade ago is over now, at least here. Yes, I get

glum, because that's just me, but it was a good intro definitely. I get home each evening, usually I've done a load of

walking and study, and I just get my feet up with a cup of tea and the tv on. I think it's perhaps as much home as I'll ever

have.

Oh, that's a thing I was going to mention. The part of the sociology course I'm doing now is depressing. It's about family,

how it's role is socialization (yes, all spelt Z now) and the different types of family and household arrangements that

people have in the present. Looking at things like that, I wonder. I mean, I can't imagine living with someone. The mental

picture can't come into my head. How can you ever feel relaxed with someone else in the room. But, how can you ever stop

talking to dreams with no one else in the room. Oh God, well, at least I don't walk round the streets muttering to myself

just yet.

I tried to phone A. yesterday but there was no reply. It took me all this time to work out how the phonecard worked. I'll do

it again later when I get back, well, when I leave here.

I keep on thinking of things I DON'T miss, which is pretty much everything. Being searched by the police all the time is one

thing. Pushing a trolley round Sainsburys in Finchley looking for diet food, a days worth for less than three pounds. The

filthy, dangerous underground. Oh thank Buddha that I got away. The thought of grimy London buses. I'd rather stay here

forever than to go back for even five minutes. Yeah, I'm lucky, and the plan, now I'm away, seems reasonably sensible.

Whether I end up doing the first batch of exams here in Hong Kong or go back. I don't know. Perhaps both? I'd like to do the

research now, but a lot of sites are banned in China, so I can't really get anything like that done.

Oooohhhhh, I'll tell you the bestychops news! THREE SALES ON LULU SINCE I LEFT. Yep. Dunno why now, but it's a fiver in

residual earnings. Two downloads of 'The Curse and Miracle', and a picture: 'Dull Flowers in Church', which are some I

photographed in the church before I went to the Zen centre. It's not much of a picture to be honest... but someone paid hard

cash for it. What a great boost!

I'm back to the old days now, of having to use download software, and even then, waiting ages for just a little download. I

think I'll have a go and see how it is tomorrow in the main cybercafe; it's likely much slower on the land. There's nothing

on, but tomorrow, it's 'the ten commandments', which is what I've been actually studying with the rs course; now what's the

chance of this happening.

There's only a minute to go now on the download I'm waiting for. Everything seems harried. I have a million books to go

through, scattered over my usb, plus I have to write non-fiction and get all my notes together for that. Tie the whole thing

together into a single website. Find places to submit new writing, once I even know the format, find places to sit the exam.

The goal, starting from nowhere (and it's a secret, so I'm trusting you not to tell anyone) is to be a graduate at 40. I've

four years, just over, if I can play it right -- I'll get my certificate just as the money runs out.

Did I say that A. gave me a grand as a gift before leaving. You only do that if you give a damn about someone.

Download done. Going home!

Date: Friday 13th April 2007

Unnamed Cybercafe, Pantao Road, Yangshou, China, 6-38pm

I got ever so sentimental leaving Guangzhou... and why not? It was the first place I was really settled. I got in a really

good routine. It was no where as bad as I thought it would be. I kind of got to know a few locals to nod at.

I'd be happy back there now to be honest.

It's frustrating because all my websites are blocked in China, so I don't know how to upload this... but at least I can type

to the usb while I'm waiting for my download I suppose.

So, I was there... and when it was time to check out, I left the room, and it all went so smoothly.

Oh, just remembered. The night before, I lost my wallet. I had to change money leaving the island, to use the metro. I was

almost home when I realised that I didn't have any cash with me. I went all the way back, but the guy didn't speak English. A

local called me back to help translate, which was nice, but it was gone. No real damage done though. I had just moved the

credit cards to my money belt, and so there was only a hundred yuan in there.

Anyway, next day, they stored my bags for me. I happened to find a map in reception of the place I was going to, Flowers in

Guilin. So I didn't need the computer. I got some cakes (getting fat now), and went to the Island. On the bridge over,

there's a girl there, usually monday to wedneday. She looks about ten. She has something in Chinese, quite intricate, in

front of her, and she kneels and rocks before it, and never ever ever stops (honest).

I had my little sit down by the water, really wishing I could stay. I went to Blenz for a bit. I sat there until a loud

American with a woman on a tandem came and spoke loudly.

I wanted to speak about the kinds of people you get on the Island, namely the Americans there. Apparently, if an American

wants to adopt a Chinese baby there, then there's an American embassy there and it takes about a month. So that's what they

all do. The shops rent out strollers and these fat Americans walk about with Chinese babies and toddlers.

It really used to wind me up though. Most of them were too old, and their government obviously wouldn't have allowed them to

have a baby or child. It's scandelous that the Chinese allow it really. They sit in restaurants complaining about the food

and (honestly) have the kids on their laps talking about the steaks and pork chops they'll have when they get home.

But they're the worst kind of people. They looked at me when I walked in places with utter disgust and suspicion on their

faces, i.e. they're aaaallll deeeeppp south honey, and anyone my colour is one of the people who attacked the twin towers.

I'm not white, fat (yet) and I haven't swapped a baby for a changeling, so I'm a definite object of suspicion. Vile. Vile.

Vile. But they're (even worse) all on a religious mission. They get one kid, and all sit around talking about praying and

J.C. and rubbish, and then come out and get another one. They think they're saving kids from 'religious darkness'.

I wrote something in my notebook called Shaiman Reflections. I had a good think, because actually it was Easter Sunday. I

remember two years ago in Cochin, with Binnie and co. I thought to myself, that this, alone on Shaiman, was definitely better

somehow. I don't know how. It just, seems right to be there.

Another thing I realised, or noticed, was 'footcock'. No. It's a game. Basically there's a big shuttlecock and the Chinese

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Same cybercafe, Sunday 15th April 2007

Well I was saying something really interesting there, a deep social observation, but it didn't turn out right. I'm here

during my fourth hour at this computer, which actually works.

Anyway, I've done as much as I can work wise, for now, or I'll go mad.

I, in case I can't find a way to retrieve the info, was talking about 'footcock', and basically making the observation that

people play in groups which are very mixed, both genders, all ages. It certainly seems that you don't get the social

division. I mean, a basic game of kicking something between people just wouldn't appeal to people in the west anyway; it

doesn't result in being stoned, having sex or making you richer. But if they did do something like that, then they would

split off the genders and generally play in same age groups. There is a better kind of unity here I think. There are millions

of female taxi drivers in Guilin. It's just b etter.

So anyway, I left the Island. I went back and got my bag, and then braved the crowds at the station. This particular trip was

one I'd been dreading ever since I decided to come, though in actuality, it was very easy. The station was as horrible as it

ever was, but I worked out that the displayed numbers were actually waiting room numbers, and you can just... sit there. When

the train was called, I followed everyone on, found my berth and just lay there. I bought some water, had enough food, and it

was basically effortless. I had a long bout of sleeplessness, but really, considering the amount of worry that this trip had

given me, it was very easy when I came to do it.

The friendly guard came to wake me up about forty minutes before we arrived. I already had directions, so I walked forward,

but then wasn't sure which alley to go up. I sat along the main street and thought about it. Then I walked around a lot. I

noticed I was losing my temper by the time I found it. But I went up and a friendly woman showed me a tiny room with air con,

a hard bed and nothing else. This was after we couldn't open the door to my designated room.

I fell asleep for about an hour and a half. I woke up and went to the toilet, then couldn't open the door again. The woman

came with me but also couldn't open it.

Monday 16th April 2007

Same place, twenty to six at night

She said wait for half an hour and I can have another room which will be nicer. I waited, and then was shown to the new roon,

which didn't have a window, but did have a kettle. So I stayed there for three nights. I'd paid for two, and decided to make

it a week, but it was booked, then it wasn't, Oh God, it was a mess, the way it was run I mean.

Not so much happened there. I again got into a good routine. There's a really nice supermarket, so I could make decent food,

and I found the cybercafe. There are a couple of lakes to sit and eat food by, I found a bakery that made bread with no sugar

in.

I decided to get my laundry done. It was supposed to be fifteen, but the irritating woman didn't write the money in the book,

plus it was the same again for drying, so perhaps she was keeping it... or perhaps I'm too suspicious? Anyway, I went down an

hour later and she said another hour, plus there were some ciggerretes in my pocket, but she'd taken them out. She was

constantly giggling, not particularly about this as I could hear her from my room.

Anyway, then I went to rest, came back and there was just gunk everywhere, she wouldn't stop laughing, I had to carry it up

dripping wet to the rooftop. But this same woman was just making up the prices whenever I wanted anything.

But I did get quite a bit done and they stored my luggage for free. The sitting area was nice, and I didn't have to be alone

the whole night.

I'd been told the room was full, so and although I'd found the Internet, the connection wasn't good enough to make a booking,

so I had to leave for Yangshou with no booking, just the address of where I wanted to stay. I went down to check out and the

woman, a different one who's really friendly, said that she'd had a cancellation and I could stay. This really put me in a

dilema because I'd already packed, but then again, I wasn't looking forward to going there without a booking. Then, believe

this or not, she said why don't the two of us go to Yangshou together and stay in this... something place, I didn't catch the

name. I said no thanks and left.

I got to Yangshou and walked around looking for the place. I didn't like the first impression, but perhaps that's because I

didn't have a booking? I went in Backstreet Youth Hostel, but there was only a dorm, so I said I'd keep looking and come

back. I did go back when I couldn't find the one I wanted, Sweet, so I went back.

I met this Australian woman.

Thursday 26th April 2007

Love cybercafe, Yangshou, China. 1pm.

Anyway, to continue, I met this Chinese women. She was with her husband and son who were booking a tour. She came over and

just said hello, asked if I spoke English, and then we chatted for about five minutes. She was Chinese race Australian. It

was nice. It was the only conversation I've had since I left.

They had to go, and when I said to the woman that I would take the dorm, there was suddenly a single room. I paid straight

up, and it was very pleasent. It had a window with a view of some roofs etc. I stayed there two days and really liked it. I

left after that because, I don't know, mainly because I'd already decided on Sweet and so thought I would carry on there. The

owner of Backstreet was really nice though, and I've passed her since and it was embarrassing because I'd checked out.

So I went to Sweet, the woman had gone to meet me at the bus stop, I'd missed her email, so she came back and I was in a bad

mood, though I can't remember why. She was making a real effort to be friendly. She turned that off as soon as I'd checked

in, essentially, which is fine as I don't need the chittychatty. The room was nice. The sheets were damp for a while but then

they changed them.

And I settled in Yangshou. I used to go and eat in a place called Hard Seat, but the staff had the bad habit of sneering at

guests, so I settled into going to Minority Cafe, run by... minorities, a family that is. I go there twice a day. I wake, eat

in Minority, work on sociology studies which I photogrpahed (the book) in Victoria library, then I shop, back to minority,

home to listen to podcasts, then bed. Oh, I have afternoon snacks down by the river.

The 'golden week' is coming up, meaning I have to leave, I was told today that it's booked Sunday. So, I've asked at

Minority, and he can do an attached room for 100 if eight days in advance. So, I'm off to the atm, but still thinking about

it I guess. I'll ask a couple of other places and if nothing better, I'll go and speak to him. It's expensive, but if not

then it'll be hanging over my head.

Next Day

Dreams Retrospective

Of April 3rd...

I was in Guangzhou and had only been travelling a while. This isn't the dream, it's part of the setting of where the dream

occoured. When I first left England, I had a two or three week period where I was incredibly tired in the afternoons, so

lethargic, that I used to have to come back and have a sleep. So I came back and only slept for a while, then had the dream.

I don't recall any details, except that, in the dream, I was being informed about something that was going to happen 'in

about five weeks time', which will be around the time of my birthday. There was no indication as to whether this would be a

positive or negative event, but as usual, I interpreted it straight away as negative, and wondered if I'd die around then.

But as I lie there, I thought to myself, 'Why do I always interpret these things as negative?'.

Then I went back to sleep worrying generally about my health. Straight away, I had the following dream:

I was with Junko and she dropped something into a nearby pool and I retrieved it for her -- exagerating the situation

pretending it was full of danger as a joke.

I was with some Australian backpacker in a hostel. He had applied for some kind of a visa and it had been requested that he

provide a medical certificate. He phoned his father, who arravnged for him to see someone. His "Dad said he'd phone around

and make some 'conservative calls' to 'get the ball rolling', and I had this inclination to tell his father that the whole

thing was routine and not to worry.

Then I was at A's house. Two packages arrived containing two lenses for a camera I had. One was a standard prime lenjs, and

one was a long zoom.

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Next Day, Saturday 28th April 2007

Happened again.

Tuesday, 26 June 2007

Ongoing...

Blind Retrospective